Loving yourself can open doors, make the sunshine on a rainy day, bring birds from the sky to sing with you as you dance along your day. It's the greatest feat in your life, accepting yourself and loving yourself. When you master it old Asian men in robes appear and tell you that the student has surpassed the master. It's that epic. So are you there?
Yeah.. me either. I try to love myself.. really. I do the pep talks... that turn into fussing at my imperfections... I do the exercise ... that reminds me how out of shape I am... I mediate... man what good sleep that is... but after it all I still hate myself. It isn't logical. I know I am a good man. My moral compass has always been to help the world, to be good to people, to do the right thing. I am sure yours is too. Everyone is a little good and a little bad, but for most of us the needle points way more to the side of the angels.
So why then is it so hard to accept that and love yourself? And what does all that self hate lead to but fear, doubt, and self loathing. Oh man... I have tons of that self loathing. And fear, I could build the great wall of China out of the bricks of fear. But the worst is the doubt. You can't measure the affects of doubt as easily or quickly as the others. Doubt stops us moving forward and holds us in place even when that place is killing us. That simple decision we should make, that next little step towards everything good or amazing in our lives, blocked by an invisible assailant. Yourself.
Now I don't want to be a Disney princess... ok, on some level we all want to be a Disney princess... but I do want that magical path of happiness and success... and a few birds singing through my day would be kind of cool too. So what do we do to get there? Is there a potion to drink? A magic mushroom that will make me bigger than life without the acid trip? I haven't found it yet, but I work at it. I am not ashamed that I am in therapy and that I take medications for anxiety and depression. They are just steps I have to take along the dingy fools gold road I have to walk until my tornado comes to send me to Oz.
The point is, I am taking those steps. I am accepting my issues and faults. They may be baby steps, but someday I will turn them into that tornado and ride it all the way to my happily ever after.
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